Ok, so of the 17 we had 12 fertilize. We have 12 babies growing right now!!!!!!!! OMG! I can actually feel happiness and hope at this moment. I pray that I continue to feel this way and that our embies continue to grow as they should.
I am finding that I am constantly having to remind myself that these aren't my crappy eggs. That these are good quality eggs and I have to change my whole thought process. It is very hard to do that. I think this is where and when the negative thoughts creep in.
Something else that I felt yesterday that I really didn't think I would feel- sadness that my eggs weren't involved. I mean, we have Squirt who genetically has nothing of us so this shouldn't be a big deal. I love her as if she was my biological child. But for a quick second I felt such a tinge of sadness when DH went to contribute his genetic material knowing there would be none of mine. I know I will get past it but it these feelings really surprised me.
Also, so far I am happy that the progesterone shots have not been terrible. Since I switch cheeks it gives one cheek time to repair before I have to shoot it up again. Poor DH just loves being able to massage my butt after he gives the shot. Hey, I have to throw the guy a bone sometimes. Haaaaa!
I'll post more tomorrow or later today if I am feeling anxious!
Danielle
Pit Stop
14 years ago
8 comments:
I know - I felt it too. I think those feelings of sadness will always be there, but they'll be buried deeper and deeper over time. Then one day you'll remember that you were/are sad that it had to be this way, but it doesn't change the love you feel for that child or your family one bit.
Just my take on it, for what it' worth....
Sending you good thoughts!
YAY! I knew they'd grow and grow and they're going to grow some more! Wahoo!!! I'm so excited for you! I'm sorry you're feeling a little down about the genetic link and there is a study (if i can find it I'll send you the link), but when a mother is pregnant with DE and conceives a son, the son will have her genetics and vice vera (something like that...). Let me try to find it...
Here's something, but not the article I was thinking about... Still looking for that!
"Perhaps the greatest myth surrounds pregnancy. Many believe the uterus is simply an incubator. Nothing could be further from the truth. The most important aspect of all pregnancies- including egg donation pregnancies- is that as the fetus grows, every cell in the developing body is built out of the pregnant mother's body. Tissue from her uterine lining will contribute to the formation of the placenta, which will link her and her child. The fetus will use her body's protein, then she will replace it. The fetus uses her sugars, calcium, nitrates, and fluids, and she will replace them. So, if you think of your dream child as your dream house, the genes provide merely a basic blueprint, the biological mother takes care of all the materials and construction, from the foundation right on up to the light fixtures. So, although her husband's aunt Sara or the donor's grandfather may have genetically programmed the shape of the new baby's earlobe, the earlobe itself is the pregnant woman's "flesh and blood." That means the earlobe, along with the baby herself, grew from the recipient's body. That is why she is the child's biological mother. That is why this child is her biological child."
Found it!!!
http://www.bio-medicine.org/medicine-news-1/Fetal-Cells-Detected-in-Mothers-Blood-Years-After-Donor-Egg-Pregnancies-15787-1/
Although I don't have any personal experience, I can understand you would feel that little bit of sadness. But I'm sure it would all dissolve when it's a growing baby in your belly. Good luck!!!
I have had a lot of sadness over that, but still happy to have LB just the way she is.
Things are looking great!
Yay! Sounds like great numbers, can't wait to hear about your transfer. I loved what jojobee quoted. Even though right now I don't think the genetic link thing is going to bother me...who knows? It is nice to think of your body making the cells for the baby.
What you are feeling is totally normal. One, yes these are high quality eggs so you have all the reasons in the world to be EXTREMELY hopeful this cycle. Two, yes, of course it hurts that another woman's eggs are being mixed with your husband's sperm. You're keeping your eye on the prize but those real feelings are going to creep in sometims. Remember that this is a compromise - a wonderful one none the less but still, a compromise. I felt terrible about being upse that my crusty old geriatric eggs couldn't cut it but some young, dashing 23 year olds could. I cried about it openly and I am not ashamed of it. But at the end of the day when you are holding your babie(s) none of this will matter. At least until someone tells me the baby looks like me or something and that may sting a little but in the grand scheme of things we are golden. Stay strong, praying for you.
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