This Really Just Says It All

Warning: I talk a lot about my relationship with Squirt and loss of a genetic link to my child.

This couldn't be more true:

You Cannot Change the Truth

by: Dr. Joyce Maguire Pavao

You cannot change the truth
these are your children
but they came from somewhere else
and they are the children of those places
and of those people as well
Help them to know all about their past
and all about their present
help them to know that they are from extended families
that they only have one parent or set of parents
but that they have more mothers and fathers
they have grandmothers, godmothers,
birthmothers, mother countries, mother earth
they have grandfathers, godfathers, birthfathers and fatherlands
they have family by birth and by adoption
they have family by choice and by chance
Childhood is short
they are our children to raise
they are our children to love
and then they are citizens of the world
What we do to them creates the world that we live in
Give them life
Give them their truth
Give them love
Give them all that they came with
Give them all that they grow with
Your children do not belong to you
but they belong with you
you cannot keep them from what is theirs
but you can keep loving them
You do not own your children
but they are your own

I have been reading blogs and message boards of women going through DE and so many of them have the same fears I did before we adopted Squirt: Can I love a person so much when they are not genetically mine? It's so hard for me to explain the love I feel for my daughter. She did not grow inside me, did not come from my DNA and it really doesn't make the world of difference to me at all. I used to think I felt sad that I couldn't look at her and see me; that she didn't have my blood. When I really thought about it I realized the issue is that I just wish there wasn't a moment of her existence when she was not with me. That I wish I was able to spend the first 9 months of her life with her growing in me. I was not able to share that with her. The funny thing is that even when I see her now I see me. Her expressions, mannerisms, even certain birthmarks she has that I have. She couldn't be more us if she was our biological child. The thing is that children come into our lives in many different ways. The genetic link thing can be scary to face but I guarantee you that when you are on the other side of this journey you won't look back.

Danielle