Denied

Well denied again.

Blue Cross says no to my appeal. I’m appealing again but don’t know where it’s going to get me. Apparently, if you are 34 and have rotten eggs you aren’t covered. So, I am down but not out. It doesn’t change our plans at all. We’ll still be moving forward with this cycle it will just be out of pocket. My donor agency is going to donate all the donor meds except the trigger to us. This is going to save a ton of money!! God Bless this woman! Also, DH has written a letter to the adoption agency telling them to put out profile on hold until the end of 2008 so we can reassess. If we were picked now by a birthmother now we could never afford to do both so we’re going to give DE a try and hope this works to complete our family.
I was totally blown away last night by Squirt. She says to me, “Mom, when is my baby sister coming?” OMG. It felt like a huge punch in the gut. I really am OK with the three of us but didn’t think she wasn’t. I said back to her that we were trying but it will probably be a very long time to which she responded, “OK” and that was it.
More than ever I want this cycle to work; for me, for her, for DH. Please God let this work. I see soooo many successes out there and think how could it not work? Then the pessimism creeps in and I’m reminded of all the times I have said this to myself. I also said that adoption was 100% too and here we are 2 years later and our profile being shown 29 times!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 29 and nothing…oh sorry we had two birthmothers take off. Ugh- whatever. I can’t deal with it today. These days it’s one thing at a time.