Update

Yeah, it's taken me too long to update on my f/u with my RE but lately it's just been easier for me to not think about anything.
The appt went well overall and I just love my RE. He is wonderful with an amazing bedside manner. He's methodical and scientific and straightforward but he does it with such compassion. All REs should really be like him.
Anyway, the end of it all is basically I fell into the 30% that don't get pregnant. There were some things he changed for next cycle if I decide to have one. I was taking flax seed for my lining- bad idea as it could have messed up the absorption of the Estrace I was taking and could have caused issues with my E2 levels. My second E2 level showed a drop and this could have been why. They increased my Estrace after that but I shouldn't have been taking the flax seed as it contains lot of estrogen and should not be taken when on the Estrace. So I won't be doing that next time. We talked about the transfer- I have a tricky cervix so they do the best they can to make it as easy as transfer as possible which they did. My bladder could have been too full which could press and vibrate on the uterus making not the most friendly environment for a transfer. Also, they are giving me Valium next time. There may not be evidence that it relaxes the uterus but it will relax me and that's really what counts. My lining looked great and basically could not have been better. Yes, there was a drop in E2 but my lining kept thickening which is why they wern't concerned. We'll stick with the pills for the FET but on day 12 if my E2 is not good we will either scrap it and start again or do the estrogen shots for another 6 days and see if my E2 goes up. He also got me with a surprise endometrial bipsy. Yikes. Not fun but if we wanted to cross out T's and dot our and make sure there is no inflammation. It hurt and I still don't feel right 5 days later. Boy did I cramp for a couple of days after. Results should be in tomorrow or so but I'm telling you there is nothing there.
So, I asked about immune issues and he agreed it was a good question but does not feel it's my issue. Most if these immune issues manifest themselves with rejection of the placenta or protein or something and since I don't have a placenta he doesn't think that's my issue. My gut tells me it's not too but really, what do I know?
He also talked about possible issues with sperm. So he compared my cycles with embryos compared to this donor cycle. What a freaking difference. I mean there just wasn't any comparison.This alone was enough evidence to rule out sperm issues.
So, why didn't it work? Luck? Bad luck? This has to be it. I asked him what we are really doing different this next cycle? His answer- different embryos. Makes sense. The ones they put back for the FET could be the ones that would have worked had they put that one back during the fresh transfer. You just don't know.
I still don't know if I want to even do this again. We have 5 really good frosties but I don't know if I can take the pain again if it doesn't work. It's been really, really hard and so painful. I pray that somehow the answer comes to me. I am waiting until we go to Aruba in December to talk to DH about all of this. Lots of alcohol and the beach may bring me some clarity. For the first time in my life I really feel like I could just walk away from it all and be OK. I just hate the "what if's?"

I also need to stop looking up FET success rates and FET stories as it freaks me out when I see how many don't work. If any of you know of any DE or regular FET success stories I would really love to hear about them.

Thanks everyone for your constant support. It means the world.

d-